DEALING WITH UNFORGIVENESS
Speaking
honestly this is something I have struggled with for most of my life. There are
many, many books, videos and material that cover this topic and a perfectly
good reason why. It affects so many us.
If there was a global statistic on how
many people struggled with forgiveness I would imagine it to be a pretty high
number, like a good 9.5/10.
I'm
going to be pretty transparent with the hope that what I write can encourage
and bless someone who might be going through something similar at the moment.
Here’s
the thing:
The
thing with forgiveness is that even though it can be difficult, it is necessary
in order for us to heal and move forward from whatever it was that hurt us. It
can hold us back in more ways than one.
On a personal note, not being able to
forgive growing up resulted in mental and emotional damage that got worse as I
got older and didn’t pay attention to the hurt and heaviness that I held in my
heart.
My perspective on a lot of things got blurred, which I will share later
in this post.
It took me some time, but I eventually found that there is power
and healing when we forgive.
When
I was first getting to know the word, I read up on the topic from God's
perspective. And the word says quite a lot about it:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31 - 32)
Yes
you’ve been hurt. Yes they should not have done/said that. Yes, you have every
reason to be upset and angry.
You might have many justifiable reasons as to why
it is just not reasonable for you to forgive.
Heck, the person might not even
deserve your forgiveness. I get it. I have thought/felt all those things
multiple times.
My
father left me and my mum not long before I was due to be born. Even though she
done a phenomenal job raising me by herself I could see the pain and heaviness
that she carried. I was then left with many questions "why did he
leave?" "what did I do that caused him to run?" the questions I
had were endless. As I got older the sadness I had for my dad not being there
turned into anger. How could he leave my mum at such a vulnerable time? When
she needed him most?
When I was a teenager I didn't know God, and I didn't
know then what I do now: that I did do have a father, a spiritual father
that cares, loves me for me and will meet all my needs so I do not lack.
The
thoughts and feelings I had that came with not letting go of what was done to
me in the past filtered into my present. When I was dating I couldn't fully
open up or trust. There was a security shield that I placed around myself. I
had the mind-set of "If I keep him from a distance, he will not be able to
hurt me".
I
thank God for my husband Rob. When we were dating he could see the scars that I
had as it took me so long to forgive what was done to me in the past. Instead
of running he stayed and prayed over me and for me, that as I got closer to God
I would experience first-hand his healing and grace over my life.
I
had to forgive my father in order for God to work on me.
Everything I held
inside I just poured out for God: the hurt, resentment, feeling or
rejection/being unworthy.
You
deserve peace, you deserve healing and you
deserve to move on forward. And with God this is all possible. The enemy
will do whatever he possibly can to make you think otherwise, to hold you as a
prisoner of your past. You deserve to go into the next chapter of your life and
into all the things God has planned for you, however to do that
He instructs us to forgive as this will only hold us back.
However,
I can write this from personal experience alone, and truly learnt this key
point the hard way:
Unforgiveness will do more damage to you in the long
run.
There are so many benefits to be experienced when we
choose to forgive
• We become
more like Christ: we let go and let God work in us and through us. After all,
we read that He was able to forgive those who betrayed AND killed him. I don’t
know about you but that is true forgiveness on a whole other level. Jesus even
in those difficult moments when he was being harmed to an unimaginable extent knew
it was important to forgive. Jesus even asks his father to forgive them as they
don’t know what they are doing – what an example.
• Bitterness
and hurt is replaced with peace in God and contentment
• We can use
forgiveness as an opportunity to grow, learn and be strengthened from what we
experienced.
• We can
then share with others what we have healed and moved on from. There are so many
people who can be inspired and encouraged when they hear your testimony on how
you managed to forgive.
Joyce Meyer puts it this way: choosing to forgive is
ultimately doing yourself a favour. Ever thought about it that way?? And for those
reading this who are still on the fence whether forgiving is for them think of
this: the very thing we don’t want to do might be the answer to a lot of our
problems.
There are so many benefits to be experienced when we
choose to forgive. Choose today and every day after this one to work on
forgiveness.Pray about it, talk to God about it. Seek God and ask Him to help you soften your heart
and forgive the way Christ has forgiven us. This will not just happen
overnight. This for many people (including myself) will be a process. By
no means will this be easy, in fact it might be one of the most challenging things
you will ever do. But it will take you on the road to freedom from hurt,
bitterness, anger, contempt. It will break chains that have been holding you
back for so long, from growing in your potential and being the very best person
God made you to be.
It will bring you onto a road of healing, of discovery,
of getting closer to God and the plans He has for you….and it will be worth it
in the end.
Stay blessed,
Chloe @ She Reformed
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